I dictate my life and how I lead it

I’ve been meaning to write about my experience with long COVID but I have been distracted and quite frankly, trying my best to take it easy with life, not having to rush to do things if I don’t feel like it.

I didn’t even mean to share that I had COVID simply because it wasn’t a big deal - it was nothing and I was totally fine throughout, so I thought I would be so okay.

Boy was I wrong when I started having severe symptoms about 3-4 days post COVID when I collapsed at the office. Been having bouts of spells at 2 weeks interval for 6 weeks and monitoring myself for another 2 weeks to see if things are getting better or not.

So, with me being so quiet, not updating so much on social media because I had much more important stuff to face, I also didn’t update friends if I was coming home to KL. There was no meet up and I didn’t feel like seeing anyone. I think at a time like this, I just wanted to recuperate at home, have as much rest as I can and spend time with the family AT ALL TIMES. 

I don’t see the need to update anyone because real friends do not need to feel that I am obliged to do that as they can also send me a text to see if I am ok and breathing, right? But the fact that those who are just aquaintance not so much best friends have the gall to feel offended for my silence and then insinuating things have changed for “some” people, they’d be mad to think I’d respond to them on their social media post to make them feel so special. Who does this person think he is? I felt like laughing at such sucky drama.

I don’t pander to people, neither do I ever feel the need to explain myself. I only do that to my family. So go along feeling bitter while I straighten myself out for another 6 weeks, at least? 

I am hoping that that will be it for me, based on some information I got from the Net about long COVID - just 3-4 months tops. But over the weekend, a friend shared that she has been suffering from long COVID over a year now and there’s no seeing any light of recovery just yet.

For an experience like this, it makes me prioritise the family even more. I used to steal around 2-3 hours during the weekend from them just to catch up with some friends. I do have a lot of friends and I do treasure them a lot, although those closer to me have been those that I meet much more often. But since the ordeal with long COVID, I’m prioritising myself more, giving me more time to recuperate and recover from the hectic weekend of commuting [PEN->KUL->PEN], and then having to shift the mindset from late Sunday evening to prepare for a hectic week of work - there’s nobody more important than myself and nobody else could take care of myself if I don’t.

I don’t see many people sharing online about their symptoms from long COVID but then again, a lot of them do not link their health issues to post COVID. Even the doctors couldn’t say much about this since it’s such a new disease that there’s not much data about this to go about making any conclusions. The best explanation I got is that there’s an inflammation inside brought on by an infection like COVID, which anyone could also experience from any similar virus.

All I can say is, I am taking it easy for now and not feeling obliged to commit to anything that will make me experience further stress. Respect this.

Friendship that’s hard to find

I hear this a lot before that real friendships are hard to find and I couldn’t agree more with that belief.

Over the years, I’ve found some of the most valuable friends I could find and they bring so much joy to my life during different phases or experience. But this one particular gem that I have started way back in uni during our foundation years and though it went through some hits and misses, we always knew that it’s a friendship that’s so precious because of the experiences that we went through together while we were young and innocent, up til we’ve reached an age where we don’t give a fuck about what others think.

It’s been almost 3 decades of friendship with this one. I wouldn’t wanna delve too deep about the things we did together but I would always appreciate that she was there to witness how I grew from being that one stupid gullible girl to finding out about myself, up to now when we seem to be doing better in life compared to how we struggled together in the early days of our career. I missed so much of our conversations together when we were finding out about ourselves, how to find the right man and how we could make our strict mothers happy and proud of us… the days when we had our first pay and we both got our Nokia 3210 together, and how we supported each other on our darkest moments.

I never really felt alone back then even when I was a single mom as she made sure we’d always be in touch. I remember during the festive seasons when I’d go up north to be with my dad’s side, she’d come over to pick me up and have our own memories charted out, always trying to forget our blues as long as we were hanging out together.

It really warms my heart thinking about how she’s grown too, and how successful her life is now - she totally deserves the current lifestyle she’s got going after the many sacrifices we’ve been through back in those days. I totally cherish this friendship with her and how she stuck on with me even when she’s now far abroad and we could only spend brief moments together. I’ve tried holding on to several other friendships which I thought was good but if they don’t want to remain in your life, there’s nothing you could do to stop them from leaving. And I get that, I get that people move on with times - when there’s nothing much you have in common or even have the understanding to find time to reconnect, there’s no need to force upon them to stay. I am  a true advocate of that - that you cannot force love, you cannot force friendships.

So, when she texted me to tell me she was vacationing in Penang with her family recently when she had a short break from her husband’s overseas stint, I didn’t hesitate to spend time with her. After all, I am alone here and have all the time for her, and at this age, we will never know when we’d be able to see each other again. And I love her, I am always open to people I love, I’d like to let them know that I do, and that I’m always here if they need me.

The short meet brought up a lot of deep emotions for me as this was where it started for both of us - Penang. I hope I’ve been as good of a friend to her as she has been to me.

Till we meet again, Yang… love you.

How time flies

So, I've been in KL for an entire week this week since The One had his travel commitments. He's sacrificed a lot since having to take care of the children and one fine day when this conversation came up, I told him that he shouldn't neglect his opportunity to grow just so I can grow.

And with that, he told me the dates he would like to travel and thank God for the most wonderful boss anyone could have, he agreed to let me work from home. 

The thing that I noticed in this busy hectic schedule of the children and mine, it's so easy to just let time roll and then repeat the vicious cycle day in day out - we'd wake up real early, get ready go to school, then me working hard, pick them up late afternoon, then preparing their dinner while I continue work, making sure they do their homework, then story time and ready for bed while I catch up on my reading. Whew... It feels so hectic and it's so easy not to have any conversation as we're all tired and distracted but I love it when they start sharing bits and pieces of their day and their observations. But it's short.

Now that it's Friday and I'm thinking that my time is almost over this week and the same theme of my posts - that I'll be heading back up north this Sunday, this deep sense of emotions come flooding back. That even 1 week feels too short for me. I need more time here in the comfort of these people that I love so much. It almost feels sad that I had to leave when the decision to do this was simply for a better life for all of us, basically. Not that we don't already have enough, right? But human nature I guess, to always yearn for more, if we can.

Yeah, so that's it.

How To Be Personal Without Being Too Personal

So I’ve drafted a few posts a few times but ended up deleting them altogether because I felt that they were either too personal or they contained too many information that I wasn’t comfortable to share. But this is supposed to be a personal blog, so how then?

Back then when I started blogging around 2005, it wasn’t much of an issue to be sharing personal thoughts, my deepest hopes and dreams online. And I am so glad I did that or I wouldn’t have met my The One and many friends from blogging. I still have them as friends til now, it was a different environment back then.

But over the years and the things I discovered online through what happened to others (which includes cyber-bullying and stuff), it made me close up. I felt that the lesser people know about me the better. I felt that only the privileged few will know what I’ve done, what I’ve achieved, my failures and sadness, I don’t need to tell the world about my weaknesses or strengths. I don’t owe it to people.

But then again, this blog is not about making people admire me or be impressed with what I have because my intention is just that - a personal diary so called, so that one day, when I read through what I’ve written, it makes me go back to warm memories. I am wary about the general audience as not everyone likes you and any information can be used against me even if I say it is my personal view that may only apply at that moment of time. People change their minds every so often about things and I don’t write about everything I feel. And I do see a lot of negative energy online of people who simply love to stir shit.

So, that is my gripe - of wanting to write often vs being careful with what I want to share. 

Someone Wants My iClever Keyboard

This blog is not meant to be a review blog but since I have not updated anything on my existing review blog (which I have not updated in years), and pretty excited about this new device I just got from the 7.7 Shopee sale, why not.

I got back to KL slightly before midnight of 7.7 and since it wasn’t a planned trip, it totally derailed me from my earlier plan of staying up until midnight so that I could check out the 12-2am deals on Shopee. 

You see, Penang had water issues that day. And since we were all asked to work from home in the next 2 days, I might as well go back to KL to WFH. And though I arrived home slightly before midnight and slept around 1am, I totally forgot about the sale since my mind was playing out scenes about work especially of a deck that I’m supposed to finish that night.

I had the iClever foldable Bluetooth keyboard already in my shopping cart in both Lazada and Shopee but the deal from Shopee was so much better. I only realised I missed it in the morning but was ecstatic when I saw that they had another session from 12-2pm that day. And in I went around 12 noon, totally excited that I managed to get the item at a much much lesser price - just under RM200.

I’m much more excited that the item arrived today just within 24 hours from my order. 

the supplier is apparently in Selangor

I’ve used many many portable foldable bluetooth keyboards since 2008 and they’ve not only progressed to much better connectivity, they’re mostly much better designed too. I’ve used those imported ones, China-made generic ones and expensive branded ones, so much so that I kind of know if the keyboard is nice to type and use by just looking at the design. And I made the right choice with the iClever IC-BK05 one. It’s so smooth, all the keys are very responsive, it has a backlight and totally perfect to fit my smaller handbags. It is just an amazing thing and totally a joy to use. In fact, I’m typing using the device now paired to my iPad mini 5, just out of the box and not charged yet.

I love things that work well and extremely happy that I got it at a good deal.